just to leave something from inside
vo sekoj slucaj.....it's just a little bit of hisotry repeating......
ama ke pastam za sekoj slucaj...(nekoj ako go mrzi da bara po arhivi)
Friday, July 05, 2002
stupid ticket controllers ruined my evening!!!!! corruption corruption corruption rulez my soul
I was out last night. Пt was extremely boring. But since I am bored to death in this flat doing nothing but staring at this stupid computer I guess I wanted to go out and bore myself in guiness. So first I was at Stanczyk, talking about buissness with young 30year old career-orientated-people and telling myself that I would kill myself if I would become one of them.....
second-We went to Guiness pub and there was nobody in there. There was no live music. Only the waiters and the owner of the pub. But still it was sort of amusing to me....since I packed and went home around 1.30 and got into the 1.42 tram...and guess what. I didn't checked the ticket (i don't know how you mark the ticket in the tram or subway-i don't know the word) and then of course on 1.30 a.m there came the above mentioned stuped controller who first wanted 64 zloti. I said I haven't. Then he wanted 26 zloti which I said I haven;t. Then he told me o.k give me what do you have (man, he was desperate)...П said o.k I have 10 zloti (and I was so proud of myself on spending onlu 4 zloti on beer that night) and П looked into my purse...and see oh my god....П didn't even have that much.....so П took out few 2 zloti coins and told him-ok this is all I 'v e got take it or we go to the police and make it long. He said-ok, I' ll take them. So
off they went (from the tram) and I stayed on the tram and took off few stops further.
the thing is that.....THIS WAS THE FIRST CORRUPTION ACT IN MY LIFE.....I lost my corruption virginity......I am not clean..so help me god:)
ok......znaci kako shto kazav po edno pola godina istorijata se povtoruva.....ama ovoj pat bez korapsan
ebayebiga ne mozi korapshan ko ke ti dojdat 6 naednas......bea 6....I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!! i toa site bea 30-something (toa znaci vozrast ne bas rasplozena za korapshan a nitu za diskutiranje)
vo sekoj slucaj , parafraza na polnok (geisterstunde) 27 fucken mart
ana sedi vo dayetona. Pushtaat nekoja muzika koja shto mozi da se definira kako tupsa tupsa, bap bap, cs cs , bum bum. i taka natamu (takozvani viva shits)
ana resava da odi hrabro doma (shto na ana mnogu retko i se desava pred da dojde 3 a.m bez razlika dali naredniot den ima ili nema casovi)
ana trgnuva doma zaedno so drugarka (na koja shto ke i ja zacuvam anonimnosta bidejki nema so mene potpisano dogovor za manipuliranje so nejzinite licni podatoci a toa e kaznivo so zakon)
Po pat jadat picca od piza hut (prekrsuvanje na zlatno pravilo-ne jadi navecer, a ushte poveke nemoj da jades pica vecer...ama glad si e glad, a prazen frizider.....you get my point)
Po pat ushte ana svratuva vo(gorenavedeniot) gines i e pokaneta od edno 3 dusi da ostane, se koleba ama hrabro resava da odi za doma (eeeeeeeeeeeej kamo ovoj pat, kako i sekogas da ostanev)
ana stignuva na postojka, vrvi eden tramvaj, vrvni nareden-koleben broj 36....ana se kacuva
ana stignuva do 2 postojki do doma i na ana i prioga pojloprivredna kontrolerska sluzba vo vid na tipac so voena jakna i hitler mustaaaaaash.....mu pokazuvame bileti
ispaga deka biletite se dnevni a toa da ti bil noken tramvaj (koga razmisliv, u stvari vo pravo bile)
kontrlerskata sluzba se mnozi po 6, mojata postojka zamina, a jas kako covek bez bilet i kako stranec (iako so polsko drzavjanstvo) sum privedena 2 postojki potamu na postojka
hitler reasava deka neki da se zamara so stranec kojshot mu se deri i praka 2 koleshki koishto ne se bas rasplozeni da diskutiraat so mene
drugarka mi kuti
nema vrska to, mozebi poarno i jas da kutev i onaka nevino da se rasplacev.....ama nekako poveke mi idese da gi zatepam
ana vo sekoj slucaj seushte se dere....
mi velat da ne se deram
jas im velam, kako da ne se deram ko treba da plakam teshki pari bidejki vie najdovte da me fatite so bilet kojshto vo sushtina ne bil vazen....
vo sekoj slucaj po raspravii od10 minutno traenje trgnav doma osiromasena za skoro 20 evra
uporno barav neshto da skrsham po pat
nishto ne najdov
stignav doma, vo mojata soba bez moja dozvola imashe zurka na poljaci
aj sho imase zurka, tuku ne cinese....i koi bosh muziki gi imaa pushteno...pa pa pa
aj sho imaa bosh muzik tuku ushte neaa pivo za mene
se ispile.....pijanici!
mojot pogled zboruvashe sam za sebe i taka da zurkata zavrshi posle 5 minuti od koga dojdov
posle eden saat ana go pisuva ovoj post.......
NARAVOUCENIE: ne se kacuvajte na 36ka bez noken bilet za tramvaj bidejki ne samo shto ke platite kazna tuku ushte i ke treba da berite tugi ispieni piva od vasata spostvena masa a sho e najako nema da ima pivo ostanato za vas!!!!!!
tolku od mene
петок, март 28, 2003
вторник, март 25, 2003
vo slucaj da ne ste znaele poteknuvam od Togo, od familijata Krazybalkan, a mojot vujko W.A imal teshka soobrakajna nesreka i mu treba pomosh od prenesuvanje na 10 milioni dolari preku 30 granici bidejki sam ne moze da dojde so niv. Dokolku sakate da mu pomognete na mojot vujko obratete se vo Togo na adresa i tamu ke bidete podetalno informirani. Zasega ke vi kazam samo shto dobiv preku advokatot na mojot cenet vujko (inaku po profesija inziner, sorabotvua so Shell International)
Dear Friend ,
I am Barrister William Kodjo,an Attorney at law, and the Personal lawyer to Engineer W.A.Krazybalkan,a foreigner who used to work with Shell International Republic of Togo, Hereinafter shall be referred to as my client.
As it may interest you to know, Your contact was giving to me by divine aspiration at the office of the Chamber and Tourism in Lome-Togo as I was going through some directories. I decided to contact you in order to champion such a business magnitude without any problem.
On the 21st of April 2000,my client,his wife and their two children were involved in a car accident along Kara-Sokode expressway while arriving from a Holiday to Lome.All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives.
Since then, I have made several inquiries to their embassy to locate any of their extended relatives and this has also proved unsuccessful. I am contacting you to assist in repatriating the fund valued at US$10.5m, (Ten million and five hundred thousand United States Dollars),left behind by my client before it gets confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Security Finance Firm where this huge amount were deposited. The said Security Finance Company has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have his account confiscated within the next twenty one official working days.
Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now, I seek your consent to present as the next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you.
Therefore, I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk free. On smooth conclusion of this transaction, you will be entitled to 30% of the total sum as gratification, while 5% will be set aside to take care of expenses that may arise during the time of transfer and also telephone bills, while 65% will be for me. All I require from you is your honest co-operation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
Upon your acceptance to this proposal, I expect your urgent response indicating your full interest in this great business transaction to our both mutual trust. Your telephone and fax number will be need for our easy communication.
Sincerely,
Barrister William Kodjo.
ne mozam da se iznacudam kako nekoi luge ednostavno go for it.....
(slushav na radio)
Dear Friend ,
I am Barrister William Kodjo,an Attorney at law, and the Personal lawyer to Engineer W.A.Krazybalkan,a foreigner who used to work with Shell International Republic of Togo, Hereinafter shall be referred to as my client.
As it may interest you to know, Your contact was giving to me by divine aspiration at the office of the Chamber and Tourism in Lome-Togo as I was going through some directories. I decided to contact you in order to champion such a business magnitude without any problem.
On the 21st of April 2000,my client,his wife and their two children were involved in a car accident along Kara-Sokode expressway while arriving from a Holiday to Lome.All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives.
Since then, I have made several inquiries to their embassy to locate any of their extended relatives and this has also proved unsuccessful. I am contacting you to assist in repatriating the fund valued at US$10.5m, (Ten million and five hundred thousand United States Dollars),left behind by my client before it gets confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Security Finance Firm where this huge amount were deposited. The said Security Finance Company has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have his account confiscated within the next twenty one official working days.
Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now, I seek your consent to present as the next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you.
Therefore, I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk free. On smooth conclusion of this transaction, you will be entitled to 30% of the total sum as gratification, while 5% will be set aside to take care of expenses that may arise during the time of transfer and also telephone bills, while 65% will be for me. All I require from you is your honest co-operation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
Upon your acceptance to this proposal, I expect your urgent response indicating your full interest in this great business transaction to our both mutual trust. Your telephone and fax number will be need for our easy communication.
Sincerely,
Barrister William Kodjo.
ne mozam da se iznacudam kako nekoi luge ednostavno go for it.....
(slushav na radio)
понеделник, март 24, 2003
ova veke pocnuva da me zagrizuva
greene za vreme na nareden napad na dosada sretnuva zabolekar i mu pokazuva potpolno zdrav zab i posle toa ostava da mu bide izvaden.
"a few minutes unconsciousness was like a holiday from the world.I had lost a good tooth but the boredoom was for the time being dispersed."
greene za vreme na nareden napad na dosada sretnuva zabolekar i mu pokazuva potpolno zdrav zab i posle toa ostava da mu bide izvaden.
"a few minutes unconsciousness was like a holiday from the world.I had lost a good tooth but the boredoom was for the time being dispersed."
недела, март 23, 2003
vo media list go spomenav greene. Pocnav da go citam vcera, denes zavrshuvam....however, ima eden del od taa kniga koj moram ovde da go prevedam. Odnosno ne, podobro bi bilo da go sumiram gledajki da bidam kolku shto moze poavtenticna. Ne znam zoshto, no ova shto go procitav na mene imashe ogromen vpecatok. Ne se raboti za identifikacija, mozebi se raboti shto na nekoj nacin me zacudi i isprovocira nacinot na kojshto razmisluval greene ili mozebi ziviot akt na sekavanje na covek so nad 60 godishna vozrast na studentskite godini. Ova shto sleduva se citati (direktno prevedeni, skrateni i parafrazirani od mene) od 6 glava na avtobiografijata na Graham Greene- a sort of life
Vo letoto 1922 bev so mojata familija vo Hampshire, na bregot Norfolk. Pomalite deca, Eloizabet i Hju veke bea prestari za da imaat dadilki i taka dadilkite (so koi Greene gi doziveal prvite baknezi) bea zameneti so guvernanta, mlada zena na vozrast 29-30 godini. Prviot pat koga ja vidov ne ostavi na mene nekoj poseben vpecatok. Prviot pat koga se zainteresirav za nea lezeshe na plazata a nejzinata suknja beshe podignata visoko i se pokazuvashe nejiziniot gol but. Vo toj moment se zaljubiv so siot svoj duh i telo. toa ne bese romanticna ljubov, nikakvi zanesuvanja: mnogu poinakva od ona shto dosega go custvuav prema kelnerkite kaj George. cudno e toa kako spomenot ostana, jas seushte go gledam delot od plazata, majka mi kako cita, nea od agol od kojshto mozev da go ispituvam nejzinoto telo. Sepak ne mozam da se setam na prviot pat koga ja baknav, sigurno na toj moment mu prethodelo kolebanje i plashlivost. Za nea toa beshe samo flirtuvanje koe vo prvo vreme i pomagalo da gi pomine interesno slobodnoto vreme vo nejzinata soba. Za mene toa beshe vistinska opsesija. ....
.....Za da ja zadovolam odev na casovi po tancuvanje.....
Sepak nastapi vreme na nespokoj. Taa mi rece deka e verena i brzo ke se mazi za covek koj raboti za Cables@Wireless vo Azores. Taa go nemashe videno edna godina i toj za nea stana stranec. hovewer, toj brzo se vraka i taa mora da odi kaj nego i da se omazi. Ednash koga mi raskazuvashe za toa, placeshe malku. Jas bev premnogu neiskusen za da ja nagovoram za neshto poveke od baknezi. Brakot za mene beshe premnogu abstarkten poim. Se shto mozev da napravam e da ja nateram da go izneveri a nemav nishto da i dadam za vozvrat. Si pishuvavme sekoja nedela koga se vrativ vo Oskford i nejziniot rakopis isto taka ostana zapecaten vo moite spomeni. Posle 30 godini dobiv od nea ushte edno pismo vo koe me zamoli da i dadam vleznici za mojata pretstava The Living Room. Ja prepoznav nejzinata raka na plikot, moeto srce pocna brzo da cuka pred da se setam deka jas bev covek nad 50 godini a taa veke e e vo svoite zlobni 60-ti
.....citav poezija mislejki na nea na radio. Kutrata zena, voopshto ne pomisliv kolku ke bide usramena koga go slushashe toe so majka mi i tatko mi. Se shto se sluci megu nas, zaedno so zvucite na nejzinite cekori od igralnata bea zapishani vo prosti linii, i ljubomorata za covekot so kogo taa trebashe da se omazi.Napishav sonet pocnuvajki so stihovite "eating a lyons soup in 1930"....predviduvajki si sebesi samotna idnina.
STRASTA go olesna vecnoto prokletstvo na dosadata. Nadezta beshe lek...
Mozam da se setam na popladneto koga najdov revolver vo kafeavoto shkafce na mojot postar brat. Toa beshe vo ranata esen 1923. Mojot brat citashe kniga (od Ossendovski mi se cini) vo koja shto bese opishana igra so koja ruskite vojnici se razonoduvaa za vreme na kontrarevolucionernata vojna. Vojnicite izmislija nov vid na hazard za da ja izbrkaat dosadata. vo revolverot beshe stavan eden kurshum. Posle toa revolverot beshe priblizuvan do slepoocnicata i mandaloto povleceno. Shansite bea, 5 na 1 za zivot.
Emociite lesno se zaboravaat. dokolku imav rabota so imaginarna licnost ke go napravev da se dvoumi, da razmisluva da go ostavi revolverot nazad. Vo mojot slucaj nemashe ni troshka dvoumenje. Go staviv revolverot vo dzepot i slednoto shto se sekavam e toa deka otidov kaj bukite Ashridge. Pred da go otvoram shkafceto mojata dosada gi pomina site granici. Do den denes imam problemi so nea. Ne mozev da doziveam nikakvo estetsko zadovolstvo. Ona shto na drugite im beshe ubavo za mene ne znaceshe nishto. Jas bev prazen, stoev vo mesto. (Greene ima zad sebe obidi za samoubistvo i begstvo od doma i na vozrast od 16 godini e podlozen na psihoanaliza)
Sega so revolverot vo mojata raka mislev deka go pronajdov vistinskiot lek. Trebashe da izbegam na eden ili drug nacin. Vnimatelno go odbiram mestoto vo koe shto ke go povlecam mandaloto ( ne mozam da se setam na nekoj zbor shto podobro bi zvucel, se izvinuvam).
Imav li romanticni custva za mojata ljubov? sigurno sum imal, no mislam deka tie samo go olesnuvaa traenjeto na lekot. Nesrekna ljubov e cest motiv za samoubistvo no ona shto jas go pravev ne bese obid za samoubistvo. Toa beshe kocka vo koja shto jas imav 5 sansi da ziveam a edna da se ubijam. Odkritieto deka vozmozno e da se uziva vo postoeckiot svet posle rizikot da se napushti istiot beshe toa shto mene me privlekuvashe vo slucajot. Posle povlekuvanjeto na ....(kako i da se vika...ckrapalo???? da mu se snevidi a za trigger i vo 3 nautro i posle 5 piva ke ti kazam) vo mene se pojavuvashe custvo na voshit, na ogromna radost, kako da se vklucile site svetilki na temna i mornicava ulica. Toa beshe kako prvo uspeshno iskustvo vo zivotot na eden mlad covek, kako sex, toa beshe mojot test na mazestvenost koj uspeav da go polozam. Se vrativ doma i go vrativ revolverot na svoeto mesto.
Ova iskustvo go povtoriv poveke pati, posle nekolku vremenski intervali se pocustvuvav zavisen od adrenalinot i zatoa go zedov revolverot so mene nazad vo Oksford. Go pravev istoto pokraj patot za Elsfield.
Poleka efektot na drogata pocna da se troshi. go izgubiv custvoto na pobeda, edinstveno shto ostana beshe vozbuda. Toa beshe eden vid na razlika pomegu ljubov i strast. Pred da izlezam napishav pesna vo sloboden stih vo slucaj da ne se vratam i da znaat deka ova shto go pravam ne e samoubistv, tuku igra. Ne sakav nikoj da se obvinuva sebesi.
Za bozik 1923 se zboguvav za sekogash so toj narkotik. Koga povlekov 5 pati i bev siguren deka narednoto povlekuvanje ke me osudi na smrt ne bev duri ni vozbuden. Posledniot pat povlekov poleka,so tempo na raspushtanje na tableta aspirin. Bidejki imashe 6 mesta, ova povlekuanje beshe sesta i poslena sansa. Povlekov ramnodushen i nishto ne se sluci. Togash veke bev izlecen, posle poznatiot prazen zvuk na revolverot. Pominuvajki na vrakanje pokraj starata zeleznicka stanica mote misli veke bea okupirani so drugi planovi. Edna kampanja zavrshi no mojata vojna protiv dosadata prodolzi ponatamu. Go staviv revolverot na negovoto mesto i im rekov na moite roditeli deka eden prijatel me pokani da odam kaj nego vo Pariz (Greene vo prethodnite glavi opishuva kako saka da go vidi pariz, povtorno za da se bori protiv dosadata)
morav nekako da se oddalecam od vecerite koga na tavanot od mojata soba gi slushav cekorite koi tolku dobro gi poznavav, i da se izlecam od nadezite deka ke igram so nea vo sabota navecer ili tajno pred site ke ja baknam. Mojot rival se vrati od Azores i guvernantata zamina so nego. Mojata ljubov traeshe 6 meseci no mi se cini deka beshe dolga kolku shto bese dolga mojata mladost. Nikogash poveke ne padnav vo iskushenie da go zemam revolverot vo svoite race. toa bese bezkorisno bidejki koga povlekuvav kurshumite nemaa sila da penetriraat. Ruskiot rulet sepak se pojavi ushte ednash vo mojot zivot koga bev vo Libija, koga isto plashejki se od dosada otidov na bezbroj opasni mesto pocnuvajki od Tabsco zavrshuvajki na francuskata vojna vo Vietnam. Tamu, posebno poslednite 3 mesta na oi shto bev, stravot od zaseda me sluzeshe isto dobro kako revolverot od skafceto vo mojata dozivotna bitka protiv dosadata......
i taka
ostavam bez komentar. mislam deka ova shto go prepishav zboruva samo za sebe, i ako pocnam da go analiziram od bezbroj aspekti samo ke si go usnishtam feelingot shto go dobiv posle procitaniot del od knigata.
Vo letoto 1922 bev so mojata familija vo Hampshire, na bregot Norfolk. Pomalite deca, Eloizabet i Hju veke bea prestari za da imaat dadilki i taka dadilkite (so koi Greene gi doziveal prvite baknezi) bea zameneti so guvernanta, mlada zena na vozrast 29-30 godini. Prviot pat koga ja vidov ne ostavi na mene nekoj poseben vpecatok. Prviot pat koga se zainteresirav za nea lezeshe na plazata a nejzinata suknja beshe podignata visoko i se pokazuvashe nejiziniot gol but. Vo toj moment se zaljubiv so siot svoj duh i telo. toa ne bese romanticna ljubov, nikakvi zanesuvanja: mnogu poinakva od ona shto dosega go custvuav prema kelnerkite kaj George. cudno e toa kako spomenot ostana, jas seushte go gledam delot od plazata, majka mi kako cita, nea od agol od kojshto mozev da go ispituvam nejzinoto telo. Sepak ne mozam da se setam na prviot pat koga ja baknav, sigurno na toj moment mu prethodelo kolebanje i plashlivost. Za nea toa beshe samo flirtuvanje koe vo prvo vreme i pomagalo da gi pomine interesno slobodnoto vreme vo nejzinata soba. Za mene toa beshe vistinska opsesija. ....
.....Za da ja zadovolam odev na casovi po tancuvanje.....
Sepak nastapi vreme na nespokoj. Taa mi rece deka e verena i brzo ke se mazi za covek koj raboti za Cables@Wireless vo Azores. Taa go nemashe videno edna godina i toj za nea stana stranec. hovewer, toj brzo se vraka i taa mora da odi kaj nego i da se omazi. Ednash koga mi raskazuvashe za toa, placeshe malku. Jas bev premnogu neiskusen za da ja nagovoram za neshto poveke od baknezi. Brakot za mene beshe premnogu abstarkten poim. Se shto mozev da napravam e da ja nateram da go izneveri a nemav nishto da i dadam za vozvrat. Si pishuvavme sekoja nedela koga se vrativ vo Oskford i nejziniot rakopis isto taka ostana zapecaten vo moite spomeni. Posle 30 godini dobiv od nea ushte edno pismo vo koe me zamoli da i dadam vleznici za mojata pretstava The Living Room. Ja prepoznav nejzinata raka na plikot, moeto srce pocna brzo da cuka pred da se setam deka jas bev covek nad 50 godini a taa veke e e vo svoite zlobni 60-ti
.....citav poezija mislejki na nea na radio. Kutrata zena, voopshto ne pomisliv kolku ke bide usramena koga go slushashe toe so majka mi i tatko mi. Se shto se sluci megu nas, zaedno so zvucite na nejzinite cekori od igralnata bea zapishani vo prosti linii, i ljubomorata za covekot so kogo taa trebashe da se omazi.Napishav sonet pocnuvajki so stihovite "eating a lyons soup in 1930"....predviduvajki si sebesi samotna idnina.
STRASTA go olesna vecnoto prokletstvo na dosadata. Nadezta beshe lek...
Mozam da se setam na popladneto koga najdov revolver vo kafeavoto shkafce na mojot postar brat. Toa beshe vo ranata esen 1923. Mojot brat citashe kniga (od Ossendovski mi se cini) vo koja shto bese opishana igra so koja ruskite vojnici se razonoduvaa za vreme na kontrarevolucionernata vojna. Vojnicite izmislija nov vid na hazard za da ja izbrkaat dosadata. vo revolverot beshe stavan eden kurshum. Posle toa revolverot beshe priblizuvan do slepoocnicata i mandaloto povleceno. Shansite bea, 5 na 1 za zivot.
Emociite lesno se zaboravaat. dokolku imav rabota so imaginarna licnost ke go napravev da se dvoumi, da razmisluva da go ostavi revolverot nazad. Vo mojot slucaj nemashe ni troshka dvoumenje. Go staviv revolverot vo dzepot i slednoto shto se sekavam e toa deka otidov kaj bukite Ashridge. Pred da go otvoram shkafceto mojata dosada gi pomina site granici. Do den denes imam problemi so nea. Ne mozev da doziveam nikakvo estetsko zadovolstvo. Ona shto na drugite im beshe ubavo za mene ne znaceshe nishto. Jas bev prazen, stoev vo mesto. (Greene ima zad sebe obidi za samoubistvo i begstvo od doma i na vozrast od 16 godini e podlozen na psihoanaliza)
Sega so revolverot vo mojata raka mislev deka go pronajdov vistinskiot lek. Trebashe da izbegam na eden ili drug nacin. Vnimatelno go odbiram mestoto vo koe shto ke go povlecam mandaloto ( ne mozam da se setam na nekoj zbor shto podobro bi zvucel, se izvinuvam).
Imav li romanticni custva za mojata ljubov? sigurno sum imal, no mislam deka tie samo go olesnuvaa traenjeto na lekot. Nesrekna ljubov e cest motiv za samoubistvo no ona shto jas go pravev ne bese obid za samoubistvo. Toa beshe kocka vo koja shto jas imav 5 sansi da ziveam a edna da se ubijam. Odkritieto deka vozmozno e da se uziva vo postoeckiot svet posle rizikot da se napushti istiot beshe toa shto mene me privlekuvashe vo slucajot. Posle povlekuvanjeto na ....(kako i da se vika...ckrapalo???? da mu se snevidi a za trigger i vo 3 nautro i posle 5 piva ke ti kazam) vo mene se pojavuvashe custvo na voshit, na ogromna radost, kako da se vklucile site svetilki na temna i mornicava ulica. Toa beshe kako prvo uspeshno iskustvo vo zivotot na eden mlad covek, kako sex, toa beshe mojot test na mazestvenost koj uspeav da go polozam. Se vrativ doma i go vrativ revolverot na svoeto mesto.
Ova iskustvo go povtoriv poveke pati, posle nekolku vremenski intervali se pocustvuvav zavisen od adrenalinot i zatoa go zedov revolverot so mene nazad vo Oksford. Go pravev istoto pokraj patot za Elsfield.
Poleka efektot na drogata pocna da se troshi. go izgubiv custvoto na pobeda, edinstveno shto ostana beshe vozbuda. Toa beshe eden vid na razlika pomegu ljubov i strast. Pred da izlezam napishav pesna vo sloboden stih vo slucaj da ne se vratam i da znaat deka ova shto go pravam ne e samoubistv, tuku igra. Ne sakav nikoj da se obvinuva sebesi.
Za bozik 1923 se zboguvav za sekogash so toj narkotik. Koga povlekov 5 pati i bev siguren deka narednoto povlekuvanje ke me osudi na smrt ne bev duri ni vozbuden. Posledniot pat povlekov poleka,so tempo na raspushtanje na tableta aspirin. Bidejki imashe 6 mesta, ova povlekuanje beshe sesta i poslena sansa. Povlekov ramnodushen i nishto ne se sluci. Togash veke bev izlecen, posle poznatiot prazen zvuk na revolverot. Pominuvajki na vrakanje pokraj starata zeleznicka stanica mote misli veke bea okupirani so drugi planovi. Edna kampanja zavrshi no mojata vojna protiv dosadata prodolzi ponatamu. Go staviv revolverot na negovoto mesto i im rekov na moite roditeli deka eden prijatel me pokani da odam kaj nego vo Pariz (Greene vo prethodnite glavi opishuva kako saka da go vidi pariz, povtorno za da se bori protiv dosadata)
morav nekako da se oddalecam od vecerite koga na tavanot od mojata soba gi slushav cekorite koi tolku dobro gi poznavav, i da se izlecam od nadezite deka ke igram so nea vo sabota navecer ili tajno pred site ke ja baknam. Mojot rival se vrati od Azores i guvernantata zamina so nego. Mojata ljubov traeshe 6 meseci no mi se cini deka beshe dolga kolku shto bese dolga mojata mladost. Nikogash poveke ne padnav vo iskushenie da go zemam revolverot vo svoite race. toa bese bezkorisno bidejki koga povlekuvav kurshumite nemaa sila da penetriraat. Ruskiot rulet sepak se pojavi ushte ednash vo mojot zivot koga bev vo Libija, koga isto plashejki se od dosada otidov na bezbroj opasni mesto pocnuvajki od Tabsco zavrshuvajki na francuskata vojna vo Vietnam. Tamu, posebno poslednite 3 mesta na oi shto bev, stravot od zaseda me sluzeshe isto dobro kako revolverot od skafceto vo mojata dozivotna bitka protiv dosadata......
i taka
ostavam bez komentar. mislam deka ova shto go prepishav zboruva samo za sebe, i ako pocnam da go analiziram od bezbroj aspekti samo ke si go usnishtam feelingot shto go dobiv posle procitaniot del od knigata.
четврток, март 20, 2003
ko ke nemam sho da napisham skogash mozam da zakacam nekoj dosaden kviz:-)))
You are a dark writer. A fierce and loyal follower
of Poe and the other gothic authors, you LOVE
to instill a sense of revulsion and somewhat
fear in your readers. You love to poke their
brains with logic dealing with the darker side
of the human mind and character. Truly
surprising and a true individual, you'll do
ANYTHING to create a scene. :)
What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a dark writer. A fierce and loyal follower
of Poe and the other gothic authors, you LOVE
to instill a sense of revulsion and somewhat
fear in your readers. You love to poke their
brains with logic dealing with the darker side
of the human mind and character. Truly
surprising and a true individual, you'll do
ANYTHING to create a scene. :)
What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla
ZBORNAK - because sometimes life needs releasing
"I've continued to smoke the odd cigarette here and there this past week. I feel so bad and stupid for doing so, but the problem is I like it. Not the smell, the taste, the slight nausea from not being used to them for the last 5/6 months or even the attractive packaging of Marlboro Lights (which has now been ruined by a massive SMOKING KILLS message taking up half the cover), I just like smoking. I love having that little death stick in my hand, I love moving it up to my lips as it stains my fingers , I love inhaling the noxious fumes and I love releasing that emphysema inducing smoke cloud. I know it's bad for me and those around me, and it's total self-abuse buying a packet and all day thinking "I won't do it, I won't do it", but then, as soon as my guard slips, lighting up before I'm even aware of it and feeling awful when I realise what I'm doing. I blame public transport. If I didn't have to wait around for so bloody long, I'm sure I wouldn't want to smoke, I'm sure I could find other things to occupy my time. There's just nothing else to do at a bus stop apart from smoke."
koga ke razmislam deka i jas nekoj den ke treba da gi ostavam cigarite i deka jas taka nekoj den ke treba da ja olabavam tenzijata na prvoto neshto shto ke mi dojdi pri raka-be it this blog!
brrrrrrrrr,strashno! Ko bev osmo oddelenie pola klas pusheshe, jas ne. Ne deka ne mi se dopagaa cigarite,nego si velev-ne smeesh da pushish, cigarite se skapi, site pari ke ti odat na niv.
AMA BEV PAMETNA
tuuuuuuuuubre!
PORAKA: listen to your inner voice
"I've continued to smoke the odd cigarette here and there this past week. I feel so bad and stupid for doing so, but the problem is I like it. Not the smell, the taste, the slight nausea from not being used to them for the last 5/6 months or even the attractive packaging of Marlboro Lights (which has now been ruined by a massive SMOKING KILLS message taking up half the cover), I just like smoking. I love having that little death stick in my hand, I love moving it up to my lips as it stains my fingers , I love inhaling the noxious fumes and I love releasing that emphysema inducing smoke cloud. I know it's bad for me and those around me, and it's total self-abuse buying a packet and all day thinking "I won't do it, I won't do it", but then, as soon as my guard slips, lighting up before I'm even aware of it and feeling awful when I realise what I'm doing. I blame public transport. If I didn't have to wait around for so bloody long, I'm sure I wouldn't want to smoke, I'm sure I could find other things to occupy my time. There's just nothing else to do at a bus stop apart from smoke."
koga ke razmislam deka i jas nekoj den ke treba da gi ostavam cigarite i deka jas taka nekoj den ke treba da ja olabavam tenzijata na prvoto neshto shto ke mi dojdi pri raka-be it this blog!
brrrrrrrrr,strashno! Ko bev osmo oddelenie pola klas pusheshe, jas ne. Ne deka ne mi se dopagaa cigarite,nego si velev-ne smeesh da pushish, cigarite se skapi, site pari ke ti odat na niv.
AMA BEV PAMETNA
tuuuuuuuuubre!
PORAKA: listen to your inner voice
среда, март 19, 2003
random post....pocetok na neshto koe shto ne znam dali ke go zavrsham (najverojatno ne)
mal eksperiment, varijacija na tema italo kalvino-kniga koja ja nemam nitu procitano
Tolku e lesno da se sekavash denes. Tolku e lesno da posegnesh na gornata polica i da gi zezmesh tvoite 7 albumi. Te gledam kako vleguvash vo svojata soba, te nabljuduvuvam bidejki treba da napisam za tebe. Ne znam zoshto te odbrav tolkmu tebe. Po se izgleda izborot beshe slucaen. Da bea okolnostite malku poinakvi mozebi sega ke stoev zad nekoj drug prozorec, mozebi ke vleguvav vo nekoj drug podrum. Mozebi navecer ke vleguvav vo tugi snishta....
Ne se sekavam na tebe bidejki ne te poznavam. Ja gledam tvojata kostenliva kosa kako se vee od fenot. Zarem ne znaesh deka taka ja unishtuvash svojata kosa? Zarem ne ti kazal dosega nikoj? A mozebi ednostavno ne ti e ni gajle. Zatoa ke napisam: taa imashe kosa so razdvoeni kraevi, taa beshe premnogu slaba za svojata visina, taa bese premnogu visoka za svojata tezina. Vo sekoj slucaj tvojot fizicki izgled ne mi znaci nishto. Ti si samo slucaen izbor, ne znaesh nitu deka te nabljuduvam. Ti si del od sivata masa, treba da mi bidesh blagodarna shto ke te ovekovecam. 18 casot, veke se istushira i se oblece vo tvojata dolga i siroka koshula. Zabeleshkata e izlishna bidejki na tebe se e dolgo i siroko. Samo ti ne si siroka, samo ti.
Ne, nema celo vreme da te kritikuvam, ke se obidam da ostanam kolku tolku objektiven gledajki na tebe. Sepak, toa nema do kraj da mi uspee, ne mozam da bidam objektiven. Zarem e vozmozno da se bide objektiven. Da ne se zalazuvame, od vreme na vreme ke se obiduvam, no ne ocekuvaj premnogu-samo od vreme na vreme. Vo sekoj slucaj, lesno e da se sekavash denes. Samo tvoite sedum albumi na gornata polica. Mozebi i onaa stara video kaseta koja ne sakash da ja gledash. Znam deka ne ja podnesuvash. Znam i zoshto. A i vo pravo si, i jas ne bi ja podnesuval na tvoeto mesto. Ne bi ja podnesuval duri i ako jas bev na taa kaseta namesto nego.
Moram da zaminam, veke mi se smaci sedenjeto pred tvojot prozorec. Tesno e da se stoi pomegu dva kontejneri. Sigurno i tamu ima mnogu tvoi raboti koishto ne sakash nikoj da gi vidi. Onie nekolku listovi koishto gi iskina i gi isfrli vcera vo golemata gubredziska vreka. Znam i zoshto kupuvash golemi gubredziski vreki, zaradi toa shto te mrzi sekoj den da go frlash gubreto. I onaka kantata za gubre ti e mala, a kontejnerot pod prozorecot. Ne, ne e kulturno da se frla gubre niї prozorec, treba da slezish, da ja zaklucish vratata zad sebe, da ja otvorish pred tebe. Ti treba 20 metri odenje do tvojot prozorec i 20 metra odenje nazad. Koga ke rzmislam podobro, ne znam kako ti uspeva da bidesh tolku slaba. Pa ti voopshto ne se dvizish.
mal eksperiment, varijacija na tema italo kalvino-kniga koja ja nemam nitu procitano
Tolku e lesno da se sekavash denes. Tolku e lesno da posegnesh na gornata polica i da gi zezmesh tvoite 7 albumi. Te gledam kako vleguvash vo svojata soba, te nabljuduvuvam bidejki treba da napisam za tebe. Ne znam zoshto te odbrav tolkmu tebe. Po se izgleda izborot beshe slucaen. Da bea okolnostite malku poinakvi mozebi sega ke stoev zad nekoj drug prozorec, mozebi ke vleguvav vo nekoj drug podrum. Mozebi navecer ke vleguvav vo tugi snishta....
Ne se sekavam na tebe bidejki ne te poznavam. Ja gledam tvojata kostenliva kosa kako se vee od fenot. Zarem ne znaesh deka taka ja unishtuvash svojata kosa? Zarem ne ti kazal dosega nikoj? A mozebi ednostavno ne ti e ni gajle. Zatoa ke napisam: taa imashe kosa so razdvoeni kraevi, taa beshe premnogu slaba za svojata visina, taa bese premnogu visoka za svojata tezina. Vo sekoj slucaj tvojot fizicki izgled ne mi znaci nishto. Ti si samo slucaen izbor, ne znaesh nitu deka te nabljuduvam. Ti si del od sivata masa, treba da mi bidesh blagodarna shto ke te ovekovecam. 18 casot, veke se istushira i se oblece vo tvojata dolga i siroka koshula. Zabeleshkata e izlishna bidejki na tebe se e dolgo i siroko. Samo ti ne si siroka, samo ti.
Ne, nema celo vreme da te kritikuvam, ke se obidam da ostanam kolku tolku objektiven gledajki na tebe. Sepak, toa nema do kraj da mi uspee, ne mozam da bidam objektiven. Zarem e vozmozno da se bide objektiven. Da ne se zalazuvame, od vreme na vreme ke se obiduvam, no ne ocekuvaj premnogu-samo od vreme na vreme. Vo sekoj slucaj, lesno e da se sekavash denes. Samo tvoite sedum albumi na gornata polica. Mozebi i onaa stara video kaseta koja ne sakash da ja gledash. Znam deka ne ja podnesuvash. Znam i zoshto. A i vo pravo si, i jas ne bi ja podnesuval na tvoeto mesto. Ne bi ja podnesuval duri i ako jas bev na taa kaseta namesto nego.
Moram da zaminam, veke mi se smaci sedenjeto pred tvojot prozorec. Tesno e da se stoi pomegu dva kontejneri. Sigurno i tamu ima mnogu tvoi raboti koishto ne sakash nikoj da gi vidi. Onie nekolku listovi koishto gi iskina i gi isfrli vcera vo golemata gubredziska vreka. Znam i zoshto kupuvash golemi gubredziski vreki, zaradi toa shto te mrzi sekoj den da go frlash gubreto. I onaka kantata za gubre ti e mala, a kontejnerot pod prozorecot. Ne, ne e kulturno da se frla gubre niї prozorec, treba da slezish, da ja zaklucish vratata zad sebe, da ja otvorish pred tebe. Ti treba 20 metri odenje do tvojot prozorec i 20 metra odenje nazad. Koga ke rzmislam podobro, ne znam kako ti uspeva da bidesh tolku slaba. Pa ti voopshto ne se dvizish.
сабота, март 15, 2003
Denes bev vo voden park Akwawit-leszna(blisku poznanj-2 saati voz od wroclaw, so brzi saat i pol:) i sega sum kompletno nov covek:)
tolku luksuzi vo eden den si nemam dozvoleno. 1 saat vo dzakuzi, 2 sauna sesii, najak na svet tobogan so vizualni i akusticni efekti(zaradi toboganot zakasnivme na voz i cekavme saat i pol na nareden).......sum se raduvala kako malo dete.....shteta shto ne mozam na vakvo mesto da odam ednash nedelno tuku zasega......ednash vo zivotot:(
tolku luksuzi vo eden den si nemam dozvoleno. 1 saat vo dzakuzi, 2 sauna sesii, najak na svet tobogan so vizualni i akusticni efekti(zaradi toboganot zakasnivme na voz i cekavme saat i pol na nareden).......sum se raduvala kako malo dete.....shteta shto ne mozam na vakvo mesto da odam ednash nedelno tuku zasega......ednash vo zivotot:(
четврток, март 13, 2003
Googlism :koi tracovi se vrtat za mene na google
Googlism for: ania
ania is created with
ania is sick
ania is playing with a baby play gym thingy
ania is also a student of saotome and ikeda senseis
ania is fundamentally an experience rooted in the spiritual exercises and modeled on the ignatian pedagogical paradigm
ania is keeping her stories well hidden under a bushel
ania is poland's rep
ania is a younger sister
ania is a grade ten student in the lisgar collegiate institute
ania is also a gifted writer who draws extensively on her experiences overseas to create her speeches
ania is also the proud mother of a 6
ania is a person with high expectations for herself and her environment
ania is the ultimate
ania is a character that i made up just for the heck of it
ania is important later on though
ania is a young photographer currently being supported by the princes trust
ania is a peruvian non
ania is a professional association for nurses involved in the field of informatics
ania is smoking are from poland
ania is so kind
ania is heading in the right direction
ania is a salt of chott
ania is having a ride
ania is a professional nursing organization headquartered in southern california
ania is as joyful as her mother
ania is being brought up by ewa in the belief that majka
ania is a clinical psychologist
ania is a qualified industrial and graphic designer who turned her talents to account management for xmi
ania is mixing different system levels here
ania is 20 years old
ania is modeling one of rita's saris
ania is a multimedia digital graphic artist
ania is an amazing cook
ania is a co
ania is a nitrite reductase
ania is responsible for design and production of direct mailers
ania is also a forum for the participation to competitions or for direct ordering
ania is a non
ania is a 32 year old medical practitioner who has sat accreditation examinations in london and new york in nuclear medicine
ania is a multimedia digital graphic artist who specializes in design and development of web pages
ania is looking in to taking over responsibility for that site
ania is age 10
ania is now responsible for maintaining and updating regional databases which are published on quarterly cd and on the web and also visits libraries to help
ania is the unit's database officer
ania is currently a student of massage therapy and an instructor of pilates in
ania is unsure of the exact composition and has never allowed it to pass her lips
ania is "bright and hard working
ania is probably the most amazing person you could ever hope to meet and i do prehaps hope to meet some day
ania is a polish national living in poland who speaks english
ania is an ma student who received her ba at the university of alberta in 1996
ania is getting too close to him
ania is the primary shopper in her family and has tremendous experience in selecting and buying a wide range of products
ania is a new student at asfm
ania is too sweet
ania is too good to me
ania is there a pent
ania is sitting next to me now
ania is not sure that they were built by a factory but assembled in motorcycle garages
ania is jameri
ania is from our city
ania is happy about it
ania is a very accomplished business modeller and enterprise architecture specialist having spent over 15 years conducting and leading business model based
ania is kyoot
ania is a very loyal and caring member of the team
ania is 22 year old
ania is 2
ania is still learning the ropes as a form teacher
ania is a self
ania is secretary of the pcc
ania is offering spa wraps as an extra service in san mateo
ania is a citizen of both poland and the united states
ania is an avid cross country skier
ania is holding her passport
ania is immediately incapacitated
ania is aesome
ania is van mening dat de agrarische sector nog steeds een te dominante rol speelt in de aansturing van de activiteiten van sopexa
ania is right
ania is in her first year at the university of western australian studying health science
ania is going through a difficult phase
ania is hoping to meet spenser in person
ania is back wrуcila jak bumerang
ania is pregnant
ania is
ania is a well
ania is worried about the amount of time it is taking the texas service center to process a i
ania is on holiday all year long
ania is one of the national institutions of brazilian culture
ania is headed back to the caves
Googlism for: ania
ania is created with
ania is sick
ania is playing with a baby play gym thingy
ania is also a student of saotome and ikeda senseis
ania is fundamentally an experience rooted in the spiritual exercises and modeled on the ignatian pedagogical paradigm
ania is keeping her stories well hidden under a bushel
ania is poland's rep
ania is a younger sister
ania is a grade ten student in the lisgar collegiate institute
ania is also a gifted writer who draws extensively on her experiences overseas to create her speeches
ania is also the proud mother of a 6
ania is a person with high expectations for herself and her environment
ania is the ultimate
ania is a character that i made up just for the heck of it
ania is important later on though
ania is a young photographer currently being supported by the princes trust
ania is a peruvian non
ania is a professional association for nurses involved in the field of informatics
ania is smoking are from poland
ania is so kind
ania is heading in the right direction
ania is a salt of chott
ania is having a ride
ania is a professional nursing organization headquartered in southern california
ania is as joyful as her mother
ania is being brought up by ewa in the belief that majka
ania is a clinical psychologist
ania is a qualified industrial and graphic designer who turned her talents to account management for xmi
ania is mixing different system levels here
ania is 20 years old
ania is modeling one of rita's saris
ania is a multimedia digital graphic artist
ania is an amazing cook
ania is a co
ania is a nitrite reductase
ania is responsible for design and production of direct mailers
ania is also a forum for the participation to competitions or for direct ordering
ania is a non
ania is a 32 year old medical practitioner who has sat accreditation examinations in london and new york in nuclear medicine
ania is a multimedia digital graphic artist who specializes in design and development of web pages
ania is looking in to taking over responsibility for that site
ania is age 10
ania is now responsible for maintaining and updating regional databases which are published on quarterly cd and on the web and also visits libraries to help
ania is the unit's database officer
ania is currently a student of massage therapy and an instructor of pilates in
ania is unsure of the exact composition and has never allowed it to pass her lips
ania is "bright and hard working
ania is probably the most amazing person you could ever hope to meet and i do prehaps hope to meet some day
ania is a polish national living in poland who speaks english
ania is an ma student who received her ba at the university of alberta in 1996
ania is getting too close to him
ania is the primary shopper in her family and has tremendous experience in selecting and buying a wide range of products
ania is a new student at asfm
ania is too sweet
ania is too good to me
ania is there a pent
ania is sitting next to me now
ania is not sure that they were built by a factory but assembled in motorcycle garages
ania is jameri
ania is from our city
ania is happy about it
ania is a very accomplished business modeller and enterprise architecture specialist having spent over 15 years conducting and leading business model based
ania is kyoot
ania is a very loyal and caring member of the team
ania is 22 year old
ania is 2
ania is still learning the ropes as a form teacher
ania is a self
ania is secretary of the pcc
ania is offering spa wraps as an extra service in san mateo
ania is a citizen of both poland and the united states
ania is an avid cross country skier
ania is holding her passport
ania is immediately incapacitated
ania is aesome
ania is van mening dat de agrarische sector nog steeds een te dominante rol speelt in de aansturing van de activiteiten van sopexa
ania is right
ania is in her first year at the university of western australian studying health science
ania is going through a difficult phase
ania is hoping to meet spenser in person
ania is back wrуcila jak bumerang
ania is pregnant
ania is
ania is a well
ania is worried about the amount of time it is taking the texas service center to process a i
ania is on holiday all year long
ania is one of the national institutions of brazilian culture
ania is headed back to the caves
naednash dobivam potreba neshto da napisham.
Naednash dobivam takva potreba. Najverojatno takva potreba nema sekoj, toa e slicno so potrebata za palenje cigara. Ako ne zapalam ke poludam, bukvalno, barem vo narednite 15 minuti. zoshto da gi potrosham tie 15 minuti vo ludilo? Ke napisham neshto.
Denes posetiv nekolku bloga, polski i amerikanski. Site bea razlicni no ako bi trebalo da se grupiraat ke gi stavam vo nekolku kategorii:
-14-15 godishni devojcinja lecat frustracii
-parovi pokazuvaat sliki na koi vodat ljubov i dobivaat ban na serverot ama posle toa pak dobivaat mesto i povtorno pokazuvaat sliki na koi vodat ljubov.
-iden tatko prekrasno opishuva idna majka
-nekolku blogovi na gejovi koishto se premnogu sentimentalni i najcesto tragicni (so isklucok na eden kojshto pukashe od pregolema doza na narcizam, ama tipot si priznava deka e narcis)
-mojot blog-nema da se karakteriziram sebesi, edno e sigurno-seushte ne e vo taa forma koja bi sakal da ja ima. a kakva forma sakam da ima? Koga ke izmislam nekoja ke vidite.
i forumot na ajvar, koj isto taka pretstavuva eden vid na avtobiografija na site negovi (redovni) clenovi. Se gleda kade sme veseli, kade ni puka filmot a bogami i kade sme pijani. Se otkrivame sebesi na sekade.
Ziveeme vo vreme koga naednash site otkrivaat moznosti za egzibicionizam. I site toa go pravat. Sekoj saka da ostavi neshto po sebe.O.K ne generaliziram, se izvinuvam. Mnogu luge sakaat da ostavat neshto po sebe. Warhol ne rekol dzabe deka sekoj ke ima svoi 15 minuti slava vo svojot zivot.
Samo so toa poimot slava gubi od svojata smisla.
Dali toj egzibicionizam e bolen? Dali e bolno toa shto lugeto sakaat da bidat zabelezani, mozebi ne po sekoja cena ama sepak....oddeleni od masata?
Oddelenite od masata pak formiraat masa.....krug koj nema izlez.
Naednash dobivam takva potreba. Najverojatno takva potreba nema sekoj, toa e slicno so potrebata za palenje cigara. Ako ne zapalam ke poludam, bukvalno, barem vo narednite 15 minuti. zoshto da gi potrosham tie 15 minuti vo ludilo? Ke napisham neshto.
Denes posetiv nekolku bloga, polski i amerikanski. Site bea razlicni no ako bi trebalo da se grupiraat ke gi stavam vo nekolku kategorii:
-14-15 godishni devojcinja lecat frustracii
-parovi pokazuvaat sliki na koi vodat ljubov i dobivaat ban na serverot ama posle toa pak dobivaat mesto i povtorno pokazuvaat sliki na koi vodat ljubov.
-iden tatko prekrasno opishuva idna majka
-nekolku blogovi na gejovi koishto se premnogu sentimentalni i najcesto tragicni (so isklucok na eden kojshto pukashe od pregolema doza na narcizam, ama tipot si priznava deka e narcis)
-mojot blog-nema da se karakteriziram sebesi, edno e sigurno-seushte ne e vo taa forma koja bi sakal da ja ima. a kakva forma sakam da ima? Koga ke izmislam nekoja ke vidite.
i forumot na ajvar, koj isto taka pretstavuva eden vid na avtobiografija na site negovi (redovni) clenovi. Se gleda kade sme veseli, kade ni puka filmot a bogami i kade sme pijani. Se otkrivame sebesi na sekade.
Ziveeme vo vreme koga naednash site otkrivaat moznosti za egzibicionizam. I site toa go pravat. Sekoj saka da ostavi neshto po sebe.O.K ne generaliziram, se izvinuvam. Mnogu luge sakaat da ostavat neshto po sebe. Warhol ne rekol dzabe deka sekoj ke ima svoi 15 minuti slava vo svojot zivot.
Samo so toa poimot slava gubi od svojata smisla.
Dali toj egzibicionizam e bolen? Dali e bolno toa shto lugeto sakaat da bidat zabelezani, mozebi ne po sekoja cena ama sepak....oddeleni od masata?
Oddelenite od masata pak formiraat masa.....krug koj nema izlez.
понеделник, март 10, 2003
Simnav dva programi od internet koi izrabotuvaat natalna kartaJ. Edniot program e astrologer a drugiot e Who Watch-dvata se freeware. Ti racunaat se sho postoi no ne ti davaat analiza. Analiza se obidov da si napravam sama simnuvajki eden kup dokumenti od edna pametna strana za laici kako mene I sega ke ispastam del od toa shto vcera go doznav za mene a shto mislam deka e tocno: (imashe nekolku raboti shto voosphto ne bea ni malce za mene)
Kako prvo, ova mi go podigna egoto do beskonecnostJ
2-7 Taurus/Libra
The combination of your Sun sign and your Moon sign produces one of the most likable personalities in the Zodiac. Others may have more wit, ambition, or intellect, but none equal the charm and appeal of this combination. A nice home and a close family are your first loves; social contact and involvement, a close second. Your keen social personality is aided by a fine sense of humor and an easygoing outlook. This personality is marked with optimism, even if you're up to your ears in private woes. Anyone that doesn't like you is probably motivated by jealousy. You are expressive and idealistic, your nature is inclined toward the dramatic and the artistic. Though your positive attitude allows you to accomplish a great deal when you settle down to work, when forced to face the world of fact and figures and engage in anything that restricts your creative talents, you can never really be happy. You can never handle conflict matters very well as you suffer from nervous tension when placed in a confrontation situation or hostility of any kind. Your great sense of balance and harmony constantly protects you from ever go off the deep end. You may have a wide range of emotional responses from rapturous joy when you are happily with a special someone in a solid relationship, to almost going to pieces when you are confronted by hostility and forced to react to it.
So drugi zborovi-mnogu sum jakaJ a koj sho misli poinaku puka od ljubomora…hahaaha! ZnaevJ
Kako vtoro, ova e cista vistina i mnogu mi smeta vo sekojdnevniot zivot posebno na fakultet bidejki na sekoj esej shto go pishuvam moram da mu najdam nekoja emotivna osnova
Pisces
In Pisces, Mercury produces a mind that is receptive and ruled by feelings. Your thinking is colored by psychic tendencies, and you usually follow your instincts rather than any sense of logic or reason. You are a dreamer who can get lost in your fantasies. You don't pay much attention to the mundane detail of the everyday world that you live in. Your thought patterns and ideas are opaque and vague.
Your love of music and other art forms may be very strong. You have a fantastic imagination and you are artistically oriented. You see shapes and hear sounds that others don't, for you are tuned in a most sensitive way to sound and color. Art or composition may be easier ways for you to communicate than oral expression. Creative imagination is at its strongest in this sign.
I normalno-jas sum umetnicka dushaJ
No od druga strana prethodnosto se kosi so slednoto
Virgo
Jupiter is in Virgo in your chart. This is a difficult placement for Jupiter because the big picture approach of Jupiter is somewhat curtailed by the narrow focus of Virgo. You may take on large projects only to get bogged down because of your insistence on the correctness of every detail. You have a cautious, practical and scientific outlook on life. This life view can at times become a little cynical. You follow a practical and material view of life issues. Try not to make mountains out of molehills.
A ova moze da bide dobar odgovor zoshtro go pishuvam blogot…..ne definitivno ova e idealen odgovor, podobar ne bi izmislila nikogash, eve nekoj go izmislil za mene
Leo
The Leo influence in the fifth house shows dramatic tendencies and the need to have center stage. The Sun rules Leo, and the placement of this sign here suggests that a good deal of your energy is spent on romance, self-expression, and your children. You devote yourself fully to whatever creative activity has your interest at the moment. You are eager for approbation, requiring constant approval to maintain your enthusiasm. You identify strongly with your children and you're very proud of their accomplishments. You are a born gambler and speculator, with more than your fair share of luck. The need for self-expression through creative projects is high. A romantic a heart, you look for drama in romance and love.
I taka natamu I taka natamu, da ne go tupime mnogu sega I nie. Dosta beshe, jes da sum egzibicionist ama ne dotolku (ima mnoooogu poloshi od mene, arem taka se tesham)
Kako prvo, ova mi go podigna egoto do beskonecnostJ
2-7 Taurus/Libra
The combination of your Sun sign and your Moon sign produces one of the most likable personalities in the Zodiac. Others may have more wit, ambition, or intellect, but none equal the charm and appeal of this combination. A nice home and a close family are your first loves; social contact and involvement, a close second. Your keen social personality is aided by a fine sense of humor and an easygoing outlook. This personality is marked with optimism, even if you're up to your ears in private woes. Anyone that doesn't like you is probably motivated by jealousy. You are expressive and idealistic, your nature is inclined toward the dramatic and the artistic. Though your positive attitude allows you to accomplish a great deal when you settle down to work, when forced to face the world of fact and figures and engage in anything that restricts your creative talents, you can never really be happy. You can never handle conflict matters very well as you suffer from nervous tension when placed in a confrontation situation or hostility of any kind. Your great sense of balance and harmony constantly protects you from ever go off the deep end. You may have a wide range of emotional responses from rapturous joy when you are happily with a special someone in a solid relationship, to almost going to pieces when you are confronted by hostility and forced to react to it.
So drugi zborovi-mnogu sum jakaJ a koj sho misli poinaku puka od ljubomora…hahaaha! ZnaevJ
Kako vtoro, ova e cista vistina i mnogu mi smeta vo sekojdnevniot zivot posebno na fakultet bidejki na sekoj esej shto go pishuvam moram da mu najdam nekoja emotivna osnova
Pisces
In Pisces, Mercury produces a mind that is receptive and ruled by feelings. Your thinking is colored by psychic tendencies, and you usually follow your instincts rather than any sense of logic or reason. You are a dreamer who can get lost in your fantasies. You don't pay much attention to the mundane detail of the everyday world that you live in. Your thought patterns and ideas are opaque and vague.
Your love of music and other art forms may be very strong. You have a fantastic imagination and you are artistically oriented. You see shapes and hear sounds that others don't, for you are tuned in a most sensitive way to sound and color. Art or composition may be easier ways for you to communicate than oral expression. Creative imagination is at its strongest in this sign.
I normalno-jas sum umetnicka dushaJ
No od druga strana prethodnosto se kosi so slednoto
Virgo
Jupiter is in Virgo in your chart. This is a difficult placement for Jupiter because the big picture approach of Jupiter is somewhat curtailed by the narrow focus of Virgo. You may take on large projects only to get bogged down because of your insistence on the correctness of every detail. You have a cautious, practical and scientific outlook on life. This life view can at times become a little cynical. You follow a practical and material view of life issues. Try not to make mountains out of molehills.
A ova moze da bide dobar odgovor zoshtro go pishuvam blogot…..ne definitivno ova e idealen odgovor, podobar ne bi izmislila nikogash, eve nekoj go izmislil za mene
Leo
The Leo influence in the fifth house shows dramatic tendencies and the need to have center stage. The Sun rules Leo, and the placement of this sign here suggests that a good deal of your energy is spent on romance, self-expression, and your children. You devote yourself fully to whatever creative activity has your interest at the moment. You are eager for approbation, requiring constant approval to maintain your enthusiasm. You identify strongly with your children and you're very proud of their accomplishments. You are a born gambler and speculator, with more than your fair share of luck. The need for self-expression through creative projects is high. A romantic a heart, you look for drama in romance and love.
I taka natamu I taka natamu, da ne go tupime mnogu sega I nie. Dosta beshe, jes da sum egzibicionist ama ne dotolku (ima mnoooogu poloshi od mene, arem taka se tesham)
сабота, март 08, 2003
denes koga se razbudiv peeja ptici.Tolku mnogu se zacudiv shto moram ova tuka da go zapisham. Velat deka pak ke zaladuva i deka pak ke doaga zima. A ovde nautro ptici, i toa ne peea tivko nego bukvalno vreskaa. Lani bev vo Krakov. Tamu vo 5 saatot sabajle gi imam slushnato najglasnite ptici na svetot. Pominuvavme niz eden park i site naednash pocnaa da peat, so najrazlicni glasovi. Toa istovremeno beshe i prekrasno i strashno. (ah toj Hickok) Uzasna kakofonija. Ili pak, vo Bitola vo parkot kraj saatot edno ogromno jato na cavki se premestuva celo vreme od drvo na drvo vo prikvecerina (primer vo ponedelnik 7 navecer-idealno vreme)..toa e bukvalno cista morbidnost. Ovde nemam zabelezano takva pojava. Mozebi zaradi toa shto ne odam mnogu po parkovi (iako imam 2 ogromni parkovi na 100 metra od mojata zgrada), a posebno ne navecer.
Vo sekoj slucaj koga se razbudiv peeja ptici. Mislam deka bea sobrani pred mojot prozorec, no toa traeshe kratko. Se razbudiv, pushtiv muzika i pticite odletaa....
Vo sekoj slucaj koga se razbudiv peeja ptici. Mislam deka bea sobrani pred mojot prozorec, no toa traeshe kratko. Se razbudiv, pushtiv muzika i pticite odletaa....
четврток, март 06, 2003
VREMETO KAKO BOG
Za da pishuvam, za da go napisham ona shto sakam mi treba vreme. Ne ona koe bi go pronashla ili proizvela sega, tuku ona koe pominalo. One koe shto pomina i ne uspeav da go zadrzam, ona vreme koe najpoveke boli. Se obiduvam da go ulovam vo nekoi fotografii no na niv go nema ona za koeshto bi sakala da pishuvam. fotografiite ne go zastanuvaat vremeto. Ne mozat da ja zaprat i zadrzat mislata, ili pak ushte poinaku, ne mozat da ja zadrzat dobrata misla. Nema nacin da go zadrzish vremeto samo za sebe i da go povikuvash koga ke posakash. Ne ni bilo dadeno da voskresnuvame mrtvi misli. A mislata e najrelativna rabota na svetot. Najteshko e da ja zadrzish, i ne mozesh da ja kontrolirash. Shteta, zatoa shto dobrite misli se ona koe shto te cini sreken. Dobrite misli ja cinat ubavinata na zivotot.
Zatoa pishuvanjeto e nedozvolen magicen ritual. Neshto koe nikogash nema da bide izvedeno do kraj onaka kako shto se pomislilo na pocetokot. Toa ponekogash izleguva na polosho, ponekogash na podobro. No kako i da se zadrzi, odnosno zapishe vremeto koa so sekoj mig si se poinakov i poinakov. Covekot ne moze da ostane ist vo niedno delce od sekundata. Covekot e vprocem samo privremeno oziveana materija. Shto moze da napravi za da go zamrzne vremeto?
Marlou nacnuva, odnosno sigurno ne toj prv no toj prv mi paga na pamet, idea deka vremeto moze da zapre koga vecnodvizeckite sferi na neboto ke prestanat da se dvizat. Negoviot Faust go povikuval nevozmoznoto. Vo agonija so mislite (ah, tie misli) otide na najmalku ocigledni za ostvaruvanje nadezi. Negoviot zivot zavrshi vo grc, negovoto telo se rasparci na sitni delcinja. Tolku mu bilo sudeno. Marlou sakashe da opishe kako ne treba da se potcenuva vremeto. Kako vremeto e najgolema svetost koja postoi, deka e bog licno. No nitu toj ne uspeva da go pretoci toa do kraj. Mozebi ne mu bilo dadeno vreme.
Pishuvanjeto e eres sprema vremet. I ne samo pishuvanjeto, isto i iste drugi vidovi na umetnost se obidi da mu se prkosi na bogot -vreme. Umetnikot pod ovoj agol ne e nishto drugo osven ocajnik koj saka da go zapre vremeto so najnekonvencijonalen i najpervezen metod-prodavanje na dushata. Umetnikot e onoj kojshto svesno ili ne go ima toa bolno soznanie deka najgolemata bolka na covekot e nevozmoznosta da go sopre vremeto. Toj so site magicni rituali se obiduva da go stori nevozmoznoto, iako odnapred znae dkea nema da sozdade original. Se shto toj proizveduva niz eres e kopija. Na nitu eden umetnik ne mu bilo dadeno da sozdade original. Originalot ne ni postoi. Ne postoi matrica spored koja neshto se sozdalo. (mozebi i samite poimi original i kopija se spored toa paradoksalni)
I zatoa mozebi so sekoj obid da napisham neshto (ne kako umetnik tuku kako covek kojshto gladuva za da mu raskazuva na hartijata) zavrshuva so poraz i priznavanje na semokta na vremeto sprema covekot. Zatoa sega ke go ispecatam ovoj list na ovoj komjuter kade shto mislite se pretvorija vo sklop na nuli i edinici za da testiram kolku dolgo ke izdrzi ova pred da bide zaboraveno. Dali prvo ke otidam jas ili hartijata. Sekako ne zaboravam deka drvoto ima poveke predispozicii da ostane na svetot podolgo od covekot.
ova e napishano prwed 4 godini, go iskopav denes i onaka za da vidam koj ke otide prv, reshiv na ovoj list da mu dadam ushte eden konkurent-ovoj blog:)
Za da pishuvam, za da go napisham ona shto sakam mi treba vreme. Ne ona koe bi go pronashla ili proizvela sega, tuku ona koe pominalo. One koe shto pomina i ne uspeav da go zadrzam, ona vreme koe najpoveke boli. Se obiduvam da go ulovam vo nekoi fotografii no na niv go nema ona za koeshto bi sakala da pishuvam. fotografiite ne go zastanuvaat vremeto. Ne mozat da ja zaprat i zadrzat mislata, ili pak ushte poinaku, ne mozat da ja zadrzat dobrata misla. Nema nacin da go zadrzish vremeto samo za sebe i da go povikuvash koga ke posakash. Ne ni bilo dadeno da voskresnuvame mrtvi misli. A mislata e najrelativna rabota na svetot. Najteshko e da ja zadrzish, i ne mozesh da ja kontrolirash. Shteta, zatoa shto dobrite misli se ona koe shto te cini sreken. Dobrite misli ja cinat ubavinata na zivotot.
Zatoa pishuvanjeto e nedozvolen magicen ritual. Neshto koe nikogash nema da bide izvedeno do kraj onaka kako shto se pomislilo na pocetokot. Toa ponekogash izleguva na polosho, ponekogash na podobro. No kako i da se zadrzi, odnosno zapishe vremeto koa so sekoj mig si se poinakov i poinakov. Covekot ne moze da ostane ist vo niedno delce od sekundata. Covekot e vprocem samo privremeno oziveana materija. Shto moze da napravi za da go zamrzne vremeto?
Marlou nacnuva, odnosno sigurno ne toj prv no toj prv mi paga na pamet, idea deka vremeto moze da zapre koga vecnodvizeckite sferi na neboto ke prestanat da se dvizat. Negoviot Faust go povikuval nevozmoznoto. Vo agonija so mislite (ah, tie misli) otide na najmalku ocigledni za ostvaruvanje nadezi. Negoviot zivot zavrshi vo grc, negovoto telo se rasparci na sitni delcinja. Tolku mu bilo sudeno. Marlou sakashe da opishe kako ne treba da se potcenuva vremeto. Kako vremeto e najgolema svetost koja postoi, deka e bog licno. No nitu toj ne uspeva da go pretoci toa do kraj. Mozebi ne mu bilo dadeno vreme.
Pishuvanjeto e eres sprema vremet. I ne samo pishuvanjeto, isto i iste drugi vidovi na umetnost se obidi da mu se prkosi na bogot -vreme. Umetnikot pod ovoj agol ne e nishto drugo osven ocajnik koj saka da go zapre vremeto so najnekonvencijonalen i najpervezen metod-prodavanje na dushata. Umetnikot e onoj kojshto svesno ili ne go ima toa bolno soznanie deka najgolemata bolka na covekot e nevozmoznosta da go sopre vremeto. Toj so site magicni rituali se obiduva da go stori nevozmoznoto, iako odnapred znae dkea nema da sozdade original. Se shto toj proizveduva niz eres e kopija. Na nitu eden umetnik ne mu bilo dadeno da sozdade original. Originalot ne ni postoi. Ne postoi matrica spored koja neshto se sozdalo. (mozebi i samite poimi original i kopija se spored toa paradoksalni)
I zatoa mozebi so sekoj obid da napisham neshto (ne kako umetnik tuku kako covek kojshto gladuva za da mu raskazuva na hartijata) zavrshuva so poraz i priznavanje na semokta na vremeto sprema covekot. Zatoa sega ke go ispecatam ovoj list na ovoj komjuter kade shto mislite se pretvorija vo sklop na nuli i edinici za da testiram kolku dolgo ke izdrzi ova pred da bide zaboraveno. Dali prvo ke otidam jas ili hartijata. Sekako ne zaboravam deka drvoto ima poveke predispozicii da ostane na svetot podolgo od covekot.
ova e napishano prwed 4 godini, go iskopav denes i onaka za da vidam koj ke otide prv, reshiv na ovoj list da mu dadam ushte eden konkurent-ovoj blog:)
dali nekoj sho ke zaluta ovde gi ima citano tin drum od gunter grass i midnight's children od salman rushdie (dvete ne samo edna od niv) i dali ima slicnosti megu tie dve knigi a ako ima dali toj nekoj mozi da mi napishi kakvi so nekolku reda....so toa ke resham mnogu problemi mi cita collocvial sovet samo.
cekam odgovor na mail.
cekam odgovor na mail.
How To Fart At Work Without Anyone Knowing.....aj dosta beshe ozbilmni muabeti za denes.....ova e odvratno!!!!!
недела, март 02, 2003
vo nedela navecer, posle skromna vecera sostavena od odvratna kineska supa i sok od poveke ovoshja (kako shto pishuva na kutijata) se sekavam deka imam stranica na globalnata mreza i mnogu luge veke mi imaat zamereno deka nema nikakov update.
Odnosno, da ne go preteruvam, mnogu-hahahaa.......sigurno mozam da gi izbrojam so prstite na ednata raka ama za mene se mnogu. Minatata nedela napishAV update na kompjuter koj go inficirav i se otide vo bestraga zaedno so toj kutar post, a bash se trudev da bide onakov.......konkreten. I sigurno ovoj ke bide mnogu polosh od nego. Vo sekoj slucaj sega ke go napisham a ke vidime shto ke izleze.
Vo posledno vreme celosno sum pretvorena vo SAKAM KAZAM NE ZNAM ReCAm a posebno so toa shto treba go napisham ne za moe licno zadovolstvo tuku za licno zadovolstvo na gospodinot dekan na filologija, a bogami i na moe licno pominuvanje na semestar od koe me delat ushte dva potpisi koi iskreno se nadevam ke gi dobijam utre. I osven toa shto sum pretvorena vo taa dolga fraza koga malce mi uspeva od nea da se odbijam i da zaletam vo nekoja pointeresna krivina togash taa fraza se pretvora vo SAKAM DA KAZAM SE NAEDNASH I NE ZNAM OD KAJ DA POCNAM I ZATOA E PODOBRO DA SI PREKUTAM.
i si mislam dali e podobro da go napravam toa i sega???? Od druga strana imav prijatno, idealno nedelno utro vo koe slushav idealna radio programa so idealniot voditel D.B (nema da go opishivam bidejki se somnevam deka ovde nekoj slusha polsko radio) i toj idealen voditel ili eventualno idealniot tehnicki realizator ja pushti ovaa pesna cij tekst neidealno ke go parafraziram i ke go podelam so vas (ova e mnogu cesta amerikanska fraza-I would like to share with you.......zvuci tolku mnogu amerikanski.....ama ne me terajte toa poopshirno da go definiram, mislam deka ne sum vo momentot sposobna za toa)
se zatrcAV i izbrishav edno 10 reda bidejki ispadna deka ne go pametam tesktot na pesnata i so toa mi se potroshi iinspiracijata za postot i pak ispadna sakav kazam neznaev da recam...i za toa iskreno se izvinuvam. ke ja napsiham sepak, some other time.
uuuuuuuuuuuuf kolku sum neproduktivna vo posledno vreme:(((((((((((((
Odnosno, da ne go preteruvam, mnogu-hahahaa.......sigurno mozam da gi izbrojam so prstite na ednata raka ama za mene se mnogu. Minatata nedela napishAV update na kompjuter koj go inficirav i se otide vo bestraga zaedno so toj kutar post, a bash se trudev da bide onakov.......konkreten. I sigurno ovoj ke bide mnogu polosh od nego. Vo sekoj slucaj sega ke go napisham a ke vidime shto ke izleze.
Vo posledno vreme celosno sum pretvorena vo SAKAM KAZAM NE ZNAM ReCAm a posebno so toa shto treba go napisham ne za moe licno zadovolstvo tuku za licno zadovolstvo na gospodinot dekan na filologija, a bogami i na moe licno pominuvanje na semestar od koe me delat ushte dva potpisi koi iskreno se nadevam ke gi dobijam utre. I osven toa shto sum pretvorena vo taa dolga fraza koga malce mi uspeva od nea da se odbijam i da zaletam vo nekoja pointeresna krivina togash taa fraza se pretvora vo SAKAM DA KAZAM SE NAEDNASH I NE ZNAM OD KAJ DA POCNAM I ZATOA E PODOBRO DA SI PREKUTAM.
i si mislam dali e podobro da go napravam toa i sega???? Od druga strana imav prijatno, idealno nedelno utro vo koe slushav idealna radio programa so idealniot voditel D.B (nema da go opishivam bidejki se somnevam deka ovde nekoj slusha polsko radio) i toj idealen voditel ili eventualno idealniot tehnicki realizator ja pushti ovaa pesna cij tekst neidealno ke go parafraziram i ke go podelam so vas (ova e mnogu cesta amerikanska fraza-I would like to share with you.......zvuci tolku mnogu amerikanski.....ama ne me terajte toa poopshirno da go definiram, mislam deka ne sum vo momentot sposobna za toa)
se zatrcAV i izbrishav edno 10 reda bidejki ispadna deka ne go pametam tesktot na pesnata i so toa mi se potroshi iinspiracijata za postot i pak ispadna sakav kazam neznaev da recam...i za toa iskreno se izvinuvam. ke ja napsiham sepak, some other time.
uuuuuuuuuuuuf kolku sum neproduktivna vo posledno vreme:(((((((((((((
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